“My parents had a very good relationship,” I often hear my clients say.
“What do you mean by good?” I ask.
“They didn’t fight. They spent a lot of time with each other.”
That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.
1. ) KINDNESS
Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.
2.) SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION
Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.
3.) LAUGHTER AND FUN
Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.
4.) ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART
Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?
Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?
Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.
5.) A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION
All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?
6.) LETTING GO OF ANGER
If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.
7.) TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.
8.) LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING
Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?
9.) SEXUALITY
Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?
10.) FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF
Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?
While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.
By: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Thursday, 14 August 2008
10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
10 Secrets Men Keep From the Women They Like
Did you know that men who love you with all their heart actually have secrets they keep from you? It is absolutely true. Here are the ten most common secrets men keep from the women they love:
1. He has an ex-wife. Some men do not want women knowing that they have been married before. They think it means that they cannot make a marriage work or that they are damaged goods.
2. They have children. A man might think a woman doesn't want an instant family or wants to be the first woman to have a child with him. Unless he is a dead beat dad, though, this secret will come out eventually because he will have some kind of contact with his kids.
3. He is seeing a Therapist. No matter what the reason, few people want to admit they're seeing a therapist. But men, in particular, are touchy about letting people know they need help in different areas of their lives.
4. He has a major medical problem. Some men try to hide their illnesses from the women they love because they don't want them to worry or pity them.
5. He is being transferred to another office out of state. Sometimes, men will put off talking about this because it means the relationship will either end or change dramatically.
6. He is planning something big for you. This kind of secret is good. Maybe they're working on buying a house or asking you to marry them. This kind of secret will obviously come out at some point.
7. He is unable to have children. Many men think all women want to have babies. Impotent men will often keep this a secret from women because it makes them seem less of a man therefore may destroy their relationship with you.
8. He is thinking about changing jobs. Some men don't like to tell women that they're going to make a major life change until after they do it.
9. He does not like your parents or friends. Many men will keep things like this a secret because they don't want to cause waves in the relationship.
10. He finds something you do very annoying. Again, men will keep things like this to themselves so as to not start any trouble in the relationship.
The truth is, your man can be in love with you and still keep his little secrets simply because he does not want to hurt your feelings. The only secret that you need to worry about is the one that has to do with any affair he is having.
By: Johan Krost
How to Stop Procrastinating
Procrastination can lead to many problems — tests failed, weight gained, relationships weakened.
But you can change your ways.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis
Here are some tips and steps to get you going!
Steps
* Look at the effects of procrastination versus not procrastinating. What rewards lie ahead if you get it done? What are the effects if you continue to put it off? Which situation has better effects? Chances are, you will benefit more in the long term from facing the task head on.
o Count how much time you spend on activities procrastinating. You may be shocked by the amount of time wasted simply watching TV.
* Set reasonable goals. Plan your goals carefully, allowing enough time to complete them.
* Break the task down into smaller parts. How can you approach it step by step? If you can concentrate on achieving one goal at a time, the task may become less of a burden.
* Get started whether you “feel” like it or not. Going from doing nothing to doing something is often the hardest part of overcoming procrastination. Once you start, it will be easier to continue.
* Ask for help. You don’t always have to do it alone.
* Don’t expect perfection. No one is perfect. It’s better to try your best than to do nothing at all.
* Reward yourself. The reward that lies at the end of a long road to a goal may be great, but while you’re on the way, it may not always be enough to motivate you. Remind yourself-with a break, a movie, some kind of treat you like-that you are making successful progress.
* Don’t let yourself be distracted - by taking control and saying “no” to picking up the guitar, playing a DVD or texting your friends, you build confidence in your ability.
* Other time traps to avoid: saying yes when you don’t have the time, studying when you’re tired or in a distracting location, not thinking ahead, not curbing your social time, and finally, taking on too many tasks and projects.
Tips
* You may want to take a course in time management.
* Several books have been written on procrastination. Here are the titles: “Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It” by Jane B. Burka, Lenora M., Ph.D. Yuen, “The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play” by Neil Fiore and for students, “Beat Procrastination and Make the Grade : A Life-Saving Guide for Students” by Linda Sapadin, Jack Maguire. These are highly recommended.
* Of course, not everyone enjoys reading - a very good audio CD/cassette is, “Make Your Mind Work for You : New Mind Power Techniques to Improve Memory, Beat Procrastination and More” by Joan Minninger.
* If you hate to read and begin to procrastinate think of it this way. If you have to read a 276 page book divide it into the amount of time you have. If you have about 2 weeks, reading about 21 pages a day is much less overwhelming.
* Just start working
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